There are some for whom convenience food is a lifesaver. Others take to cooking like fish to water, taking every care even when it comes to preparing a simple dish. Mum belongs to the latter group. She was completely in her zone as soon as she placed a pot on the burner. This wasn’t just routine. To her this was an art. A science. She was creating something- something beautiful, tantalizing and even unbelievable. She resembled the fervor of a conductor orchestrating a symphony, the grace and dexterity of a ballet choreographer and the incisive intuition of a surgeon- she was the master chef if you get my drift; especially if it was on a special occasion like Eid celebrations.My favorite bit was watching her skin the onions. The layers would come unshelled- and then with her delicate fingertips she would capture the membrane-sheathed heart and reveal it like a jewel. I can truly say that watching her cook for a family gathering was like theatre.
Simile: comparing cooking like putting fish into the sea.
Metaphor: stating that cooking is art and science by creating something beautiful and extraordinary.
Vivid adjectives and verbs: these give the reader a strong feeling.
Visual imagery: readers can visualize the mother placing the pot on the gas.
Metaphor: she states that the pan which is made from metal is making an orchestra full of musical composition.
Visual, tactile, and kinesthetic imagery: readers can visualize the onions being peeled.
Vivid verbs and simile: using capture instead of holding makes the writing more descriptive.
Simile: comparing the mothers cooking like doing a show on a theater where everyone is watching her and praising her
Example of bad description
I try to grab a seat near one of my uncles. He’s hilarious! You’re guaranteed a bundle of laughs when he’s around. A wicked combination of Del Boy and David Brent, he’s a crafty salesman who just hasn’t made the big time yet. He’s got that glint of tragic stardom about him. I bet he thinks he could have been big in Bollywood, which is probably why he’s always got that ‘If only…’ look in his eyes. I remember him this time last year telling us about a dodgy job-lot of ‘authentic’ Indian woodcarvings made in some back street workshop in Birmingham he had managed to flog! It’s like listening to a heroic traveler narrating the chronicles of his epic adventure to his people who themselves just don’t have the bottle to take risks.
no different structured sentences; simple structure. the reader will be jaded
no vivid verbs and adjectives:
The writer could have added more descriptive terms and words that help the reads to visualize the moment as if he is a Bollywood star.
There is only one figure of speech shown which is a simile. there needs to be more figures of speech to help the reader visualize the situation.
The writer should have added more vivid verbs, more imagery, more figures of speech, and more sentences that are structured differently as this would convey a more clear image and the readers can visualize and enjoy the passage